Joy

Finding Myself Across All My Eras

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Here’s the thing about joy:

When you’re a married woman with a husband and a child, joy often takes shape within the roles you play.

There’s immense joy in being a mother.
There’s immense joy in being a wife.

But somewhere in the midst of those roles, you lose sight of the moments where joy exists solely for you - unfiltered, unapologetic, yours.

Seeing the Eras Tour live (Toronto N3) was that for me. A moment of pure, unadulterated joy, just for me.

I didn’t go to see Taylor, which I know sounds crazy. I went to meet myself - all the me(s) across all my Eras.

In that stadium, surrounded by 45,000 others, there were moments where it felt like it was just me.

For the past 15 years, Taylor’s music has been a kind of soundtrack to my life. It certainly helps that she and I were born practically on the same day in the same year. We’re both women who, because of the circumstances of our birth, lived a certain type of girlhood - an upper-middle-class, privileged girlhood surrounded by loving, supportive families. (And yes, if we want to critique that privilege, there’s plenty to unpack. But this isn’t about that.)

For me, I don’t really care about Taylor the superstar, what she is wearing or who she is seeing. It’s about her genius - the way she puts words to emotions that I’ve felt: Optimism. Rage. Melancholy. Awe. Resentment. Euphoria. Nostalgia. Gratitude. Despair. Vindication. Yearning.

Those four hours took me on a journey through those emotions and through the “Eras” of my own life. I saw the faces of friends and ex-friends - some I miss deeply, and some I’m grateful to have left behind.

But more than anything, it brought me face-to-face with myself. With all the versions of me I’ve been over the past 15 years. It helped me embrace and accept each moment, each decision, and each person who shaped those years.

Most importantly, it helped me embrace, accept, and celebrate every version of me.

In that stadium, for a brief, beautiful moment, Rashi felt joy for Rashi. Joy surrounded by her whole self, made of all the pieces of the versions she’s been, coming together to become who she is today.

I feel a lot of emotions. On November 16th 2024 I just felt pure, unapologetic, unadulterated joy.

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The Coffee Chats and Open Tabs will be back in the next edition.

If you find yourself with a little extra time, maybe you use it to go through the archives and rediscover an old conversation I had shared.

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Disclaimer: All views expressed are my own and do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer