The Coffee Chat (#11)
My conversation with Charlie Bleecker - a pseudonymous writer covering personal third rail topics, lead alumni mentor for David Perell's Write of Passage Cohort 6 and mom to a 7-month-old son
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Hi there 👋🏽
Before we jump into today’s Coffee Chat, I wanted to share a newsletter that I recently came across that I feel most readers of Decks and Diapers will enjoy.
The In-Between Newsletter breaks down topics we are often not taught well or taught at all. Topics range from career advice, financial advice to general life advice and these are always written in a fun and interesting way.
Griffin Prock started this newsletter last year as he felt the school system did not do a good job teaching us some of the most important things we needed to know to be ready for the world! You can subscribing to the In-Between Newsletter here
☕ Now, on to today’s coffee chat…
Meet Charlie Bleecker.
Charlie is a pseudonymous writer with a popular blog and a weekly newsletter called Transparent Tuesdays, which tackles personal topics like past drug and alcohol use, a toxic relationship with the scale, strained family dynamics and the not so talked about aspects of motherhood.
I love how Charlie is vulnerable which in turn helps create a space safe for others who maybe going through similar issues.
She is authentic and raw. Something that you would notice in this conversation too!
Below is my conversation with Charlie…
Please tell us a little bit about yourself and your family
I grew up in New Jersey and couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there. Bounced from New York to LA with big acting dreams. Amidst the acting classes and waitressing jobs I was always writing.
I met my husband at a wedding. Sam is very much the opposite of me in some ways. He’s an investor and very good with numbers. He opens his mail immediately and is an anti-crastinator. But we were drawn to each other because we both had personal growth mindsets. The Jameson shots didn’t hurt :)
We both wanted to live near the beach and landed in Wilmington, North Carolina. Last summer we bought a house and had our first baby, George.
When I’m not writing or parenting I’m coaching high school field hockey. Much of my approach to life stems from an upbringing in athletics.
I also love Christmas. Green and red are my favorite colors. Each year, Sam and I make a Christmas lip sync video that we send out to friends and family.
I would love to know a little bit more about Charlie the writer. How did you get the idea to start Transparent Tuesdays?
I took an online course last year February called Write of Passage. Instructor David Perell encouraged students to start their own newsletter and publish consistently.
Transparency is something I value and strive for in my writing. The more transparent I am, the lighter I feel and the more I connect with readers. It’s therapeutic and freeing.
Even though transparency comes relatively easy for me I still felt like I couldn’t say everything I wanted to say under my real name. So I created Charlie Bleecker: a pseudonym. It allows me to go to all the dark places and be completely candid and open with the things I really want to write about.
So you are a fulltime writer with a baby! That must be hard? What are some of the challenges you faced and how did you overcome them?
It’s really hard. But doable. I started publishing each week in February so by the time George was born in August I was in a rhythm. Publishing has become a habit.
I used to write whenever I wanted to. I used to have a backlog of essays so that I always had plenty of time to edit my work. No more. There are times when I don’t start writing my essay until Sunday and Sam is the only person to provide feedback.
It was difficult at first to press publish on content that was so fresh, but I value consistency over quality. It’s not that I think I’m putting out shitty work but I know it could be better. I don’t want that limiting mindset to keep me from publishing. It’s important to put your work out there. It’s important to have deadlines. It makes you a better writer.
Ah good. So you have got some hacks to continue writing regularly with a baby. Tell me a little bit more about when the baby came - for you what was the hardest part of becoming a new parent?
You know what is the hardest part - You feel like you’re doing it wrong. I second-guess myself sometimes.
When the baby cries I go through a checklist. Is he hungry? Is he tired? Does he have a dirty diaper? Does he have gas? Does he have reflux? What can I do?? And sometimes, no matter how hard I try, I can’t figure out what’s wrong and he continues to cry. That is hard.
Also, sleep. I used to sleep eight hours a day. When will I sleep eight full hours again?
Lack of sleep is hard. The other big challenge that working parents with babies face is a lack of predictability in their schedule and limited time for themselves. How have you managed this?
I’m still figuring it out. Thankfully, my husband and I both work from home and have flexible schedules. We look at them by the week and decide when we can each take George for chunks of time so that the other person can focus on their work.
And because George loves noise and being outside, I can take him in the garage, jam out to music, and do a 20-minute workout while he sits contentedly in his bouncer.
So you have a little hack that works! Nice.
I am curious after becoming a parent did you adopt any new beliefs, behaviors, or habits that have most improved your life?
I always believed there was one rule to follow, and that was to never wake a sleeping baby.
Now I believe the opposite is true.
Waking up your sleeping babe is the key to getting your little one to sleep through the night. It was really hard in the beginning. How could I possibly fathom waking him up when he was FINALLY asleep?? But getting him on a 3-hr schedule made his transition to sleep through the night much faster and easier. The more predictable his schedule became, the easier it was to pull open those curtains, shut off that sound machine, rip open that swaddle, and coax him to open his eyes for some happy wake time.
What is one of the best or most worthwhile investment you have made after becoming a parent?
I never could have guessed how much babies love loud noises, but our sound machine was not doing the trick. We upgraded to one that sounds like a jet engine and it’s been amazing for two reasons:
If George is crying and we turn the sound machine on he immediately stops crying.
During the night, the sound machine is so loud it drowns out George’s other baby noises (because by the way, babies make SO many noises), so I don’t jump up every time he makes a peep. It’s much better for his sleep. It’s much better for my sleep. Win-win.
Also, at around 2-months-old George transitioned out of the swaddle into the Baby Merlin’s Magic Sleepsuit*. It’s a completely ridiculous-looking marshmallow suit. He loves it.
Also, the best book I read that has been my guide for George’s sleep schedule was On Becoming Babywise*.
What advice would you give others who are on the cusp of becoming parents?
The hardest part is finding balance between being a good parent, being a good partner, and finding fulfillment and happiness in the other aspects of your life. Sometimes I think, “Wouldn’t it be great if I could just be a mom?” But then I know I’d go crazy because I wasn’t writing.
So my advice is to give yourself a certain amount of time to just be a parent. Even if it’s only two weeks. It’s okay to devote all your energy to your little one for even a short amount of time.
And don’t lose sight of the person you signed up to do this with! Sam and I are a strong couple. We’re best friends. And it’s been ROUGH. You have to make time for each other. And you have to show each other patience and kindness because this is going to be the most stressful, most exhausting, most important thing you’ve ever done in your life.
And what advice should they ignore?
Don’t worry about doing everything right.
We were so worried about introducing a pacifier too soon and then when we did, George wouldn’t take it and I was going to lose my shit. In order to be a good parent, you need to be sane. Do what you need to do.
Quick-fire Questions:
What’s the best thing you have watched recently?
Still working our way through The Morning Show. My favorite scene occurs in Episode 7 when Jennifer Aniston’s character tells off her daughter.
“Well f**k you, kid. F**k you! And I mean, how f**king dare you. ... I broke my f**king vagina with that big f**king head of yours. And I had to be surgically sewn back together. I bet you didn’t know that, did you?”
Not enough women talk about childbirth. I had a natural childbirth and it felt like I was being tortured. I truly thought at my one-month follow-up appointment the doctors would greet me with a standing ovation.
Turns out women have been doing exactly what I did for a pretty long time. I don’t think the doctor even remembered me.
What’s the best thing you have read recently?
I actually haven’t finished this yet because I haven’t read a single book since George was born, but when I started reading it last year July I thought, “This book is so good. I want to write something as good as this.”
So that’s my new goal. To write a New York Times bestseller.
What’s the best thing you have listened to recently?
I love the Armchair Expert podcast.
On September 7, host Dax Shepard opened up about his recent use of prescription drugs after being sober for years. It was so vulnerable, so raw, that it got me to confess to my own friend about stealing Adderall from her years ago.
I would love to hear from you, feedback is always welcome!
And if you happen to know an inspiring working parent who should be featured in a future edition (or if you yourself are one) - please do get in touch.
Disclaimer: All views expressed are my own and do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer; *this is not a sponsored product recommendation