The Coffee Chat (#13)
My conversation with Nathan Elliott - A full-time law student on an accelerated track, part-time employee for an early-stage start-up, newsletter writer & dad to a toddler
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Hi there 👋🏽
A lot of readers of this newsletter are based in Canada and India.
Both these countries are experiencing a 2nd (3rd? I have lost count) Covid wave with a massive surge in the numbers. So many folks are literally living in a nightmare right now.
With all that is going on around us it is easy to feel anxious and stressed. For most people this is amplified because in some of their other roles (as worker, as parents) they need to carry on as if nothing has changed.
The truth is these are hard times. Cut yourself some slack. Give yourself permission to have bad days.
☕ Now, on to today’s coffee chat…
Meet Nate Elliott.
Nate is a full time law student on an accelerated path with a 3.69 GPA, he writes content for PeachyPay, he does business administration for Fintech Today, he has his own newsletter called Startupsalad, he is a VC scout for GenZ scouts and is a founder of a media company called VoxturLife!
He is doing more today than most people do in a lifetime!
Before I became a parent someone told me that some of the most productive people in the world are folks with young kids. Kids are a great way to prioritize and be laser focused on the output you want to get to with the limited time you have.
Nate is a great example of someone who does that.
Below is my conversation with Nate …
Please tell us a little bit about yourself and your family
My wife and I went to high school together in a small town in central Washington, USA. We started working together at the local theater/pizza place that her parents owned and we had math class together. A few months later I asked her to prom and we started dating. We've been together ever since.
That, however, was almost 8 years ago. After high school, my wife went to Arizona for college and I went to Texas to serve a mission for my church. When I returned home, we got married and I started attending Arizona State University. 3 years later, I graduated with two bachelor's degrees, one in finance and one in management. Meanwhile, my wife had graduated from dental hygiene school and started working full-time.
After I graduated from ASU in May of 2019, we moved back home to Washington so that I could start the two-year accelerated program at Gonzaga University School of Law. My wife works as a dental hygienist and I focus on school. I'm all set to graduate this May and we are very excited.
We recently celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary, and in September 2019, we welcomed our first child, named Miller. Our little son, who we call Squish, is a little ball of energy. He enjoys reading books, listening to music, and watching The Wiggles.
For you what was the hardest part of becoming a new parent?
When delivering a baby, the nurses and doctors are with you every step of the way, then once the baby comes they leave you to fend completely for yourselves. There is a lot of fear in the beginning. I have never felt so underqualified for a job in my life.
The good news is, being a parent is something we as humans are programmed to do. Once my wife and I learned to trust our gut and believe we could do it, things got a lot easier.
You are currently a full-time law student on an accelerated track, you work part-time for an early-stage start-up, and you have a newsletter/podcast. You do all this while also being a dad to a toddler. The biggest challenge that working parents with young kids have is a lack of predictability in their schedule and limited time for themselves. How have you managed this? How do you manage your energy? What choices have you made to enable you to do all this while being a parent to a young child?
The biggest and best thing that we did was sleeptraining our son. We honestly had no idea that it was a thing until we visited some friends who told us about it. We just thought babies didn't sleep and that we were destined for a life of terrible sleep and tired eyes.
Fortunately, around 6 months, we took the hard jump and decided to teach our baby to sleep. I read a few blog articles and found a method that I thought would work for us, and then we just tried it. And it was really hard. The first week was so rough. He would cry for so long every time we put him to bed. It was heartbreaking to listen to. But, every night, he did fall asleep! And after a few days, it began happening faster and faster.
Fast-forward to today, and our sweet little Miller has been sleeping for ~12-13 hours each night for ~10 months. He still cries sometimes, but he is a better, happier baby because we've been consistent with his sleep schedule.
This really helps my wife and plan our days and know when we can realistically get things done. My wife will plan to get important things done during his naps on days that she isn't working and on days that I'm watching him, I will try to be extra focused while he is napping. I'm also fortunate to be a night owl, so I have 5+ hours every night to work on things after he is in bed. It's really just become a numbers game.
After becoming a parent did you adopt any new beliefs, behaviors, or habits that have most improved your life?
Pregnancy was rough for both my wife and I, physically. Sympathy weight, combined with my first year of law school, hit me really hard. I ended 2019 weighing the heaviest of my life.
My wife started working with a fitness coach in early 2020 and started to see really amazing results. That inspired me to do the same, and we both have done a complete 180 degree turn in the health department. Combined, my wife and I have lost 100 lbs since she gave birth!
We look and feel so much better, and that's made all the difference as we try to keep up with our little ball of energy.
You are part of a dual career household? What choices have you and your partner made that has helped you become a dual career household with kids?
Bailey is a dental hygienist and a damn good one. I don't technically have a job at the moment, but post-graduation that should change. Still, law school has been my full-time gig for the last year and a half. It has been tough to balance, and truthfully, my wife is responsible for keeping our life as on track as it is.
In order to make the most of our opportunities, my wife and I have been conscious about striving to help each other with our responsibilities. If I need to study for a final, my wife understands and watches Miller so I can focus. When it snows, I brush off my wife's car before she goes to work. We try to recognize our unique strengths and take advantage of them. I hate grocery shopping, so Bailey orders the groceries. I often am in charge of cooking the meat and usually cook dinner on days she works. Bailey doesn't like budgeting or bills, so I take care of that area. We try to work as a team as much as possible and divvy up responsibilities in a way that works for our family. Most importantly, we are always willing to help each other, because we are a team.
What is one of the best or most worthwhile investment you have made after becoming a parent?
Definitely, getting in shape. We paid a coach to help us and that was huge. Since I already mentioned that, I will say that a white noise machine was a game-changer for us. I am not a quiet person and we don't live in a big house. We don't actually have a specific machine, but we use an old iphone to play a white noise track on repeat for Miller all night. Having that has made a world of difference. It's easily transportable and allows Miller to sleep anywhere.
Another thing is a nice stroller. I love taking Miller on walks, so having a nice jogging stroller is huge help.
What advice would you give others who are on the cusp of becoming parents? What advice should they ignore?
Honestly, probably ignore most advice unless it works for your family. Every family is so different, so most advice probably isn't applicable. BUT you never know who's going to tell you something that is really good, so be curious and open-minded enough to listen.
One of the best pieces of advice that we got was from our dear friends Jacob and Joselyn, who have two girls a bit older than Miller. They told us that you can either make your children fit into your life or make your life fit your children. I'll explain that a bit.
If you make your kids fit into your life, you keep doing all of the things that bring you joy, but you bring them along for the ride. If you make your life fit your kids, you do whatever works for their personalities and schedules. I don't necessarily think one way is better than the other, though I do have a preference... But I think it's important to recognize so that you can be intentional about how you live your life.
My wife and I always admired how Jacob and Joselyn would always still be down to hang out and do things even though they had kids. We had lots of "lame" friends that didn't want to do fun things anymore because of their kids. We wanted to have kids, but we still wanted to have fun and enjoy our friends and our life. We haven't been perfect, but we have tried to live by this. We will go to our friends late at night and Miller can sleep in a pack and play there. We will go on hikes and Miller can ride in the stroller, even if it's cold, we just bundle him up. We try to make him fit into our life, so we don't become the parents that resent our kids because we don't "get to do anything we want." We want our kids to enjoy the things we enjoy and be well-behaved when doing them. That sometimes means sucking it up and doing hard things. I think it's worth it.
Do with that what you will. I think it's something worth thinking about.
Quick-fire Questions:
What’s the best thing you have watched recently?
This is a hard question because I am a big "watcher." I really loved Ted Lasso. Easily one of the best shows I've ever seen. Funny and heartwarming. I think everyone should watch it.
What’s the best thing you have read recently?
Easy, my friend Taylor's most recent draft of the book he's writing. I read an earlier version and loved it. This version was much improved and I am so mad that he's not finished!
Something that you could actually read would be Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson. That book rocked my world a little bit. It's another one of those books that I think everyone should read.
What’s the best thing you have listened to recently?
This is a hard question for me. I listen to lots of podcasts. Lots are good. A recent favorite was Patrick O'Shaugnessy's interview of Sam Hinkie on the Invest Like The Best podcast. Another one I enjoyed was Jim O'Shaugnessy's interview of James Clear on the Infinite Loops podcast.
I would love to hear from you, feedback is always welcome!
And if you happen to know an inspiring working parent who should be featured in a future edition (or if you yourself are one) - please do get in touch.
Disclaimer: All views expressed are my own and do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer
Amazing stuff
Unbelievable that one person can do so many things simultaneously 😳