The Coffee Chat (#2)
My conversation with Azhar Jafri - A PM with a consumer firm, fellow newsletter writer, lover of memes, and dad to a young boy who is currently in his terrible twos!
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Last month I launched a new series within this newsletter called Coffee Chat with Decks and Diapers. It was very well received and readers wanted me to do more of these. So as promised here is Coffee Chat #2.
Today we meet Azhar and Seerat. I first got to know of Azhar through his newsletter Simplanations - it is a newsletter aimed at "Making sense of the business world". If you are someone who enjoys reading about the world of business I would strongly recommend Simplanations. Azhar does a great job of unpacking things and making concepts easy to understand. Sometimes it does feel like Azhar writes keeping Ali (his son) in mind and to me, that is a great quality - take something complicated and explain it to a kid, that is how you know you have true mastery of the content.
Our conversation today however is not so much about Azhar's newsletter. It is about how Azhar and Seerat are a dual career working couple with a toddler who have found time to do interesting things outside their day job while raising a mini human.
Below is my conversation with Azhar...
Please tell us a little bit about yourself and your family
We (Azhar and Seerat) got to know each other in school for the first time in 2005. Post that, we studied engineering at the same college and started our jobs in the same company as well. We have been married for close to 4 years now and currently reside in Mumbai, India. We have a small kid, Ali who will turn 3 next year.
Currently, I work as a product manager at a large FMCG (CPG) firm and Seerat is working as a Technology consultant with an IT company. Besides work, we pursue a lot of other interests during our "off work hours" and the weekends. Seerat is very fond of gardening and tends to the wide collection of plants in our house. Also, she enjoys baking cakes during the weekends. In my free time, I run a newsletter called “Simplanations” with my college friend. I also dabble in the stock markets, so a lot of time is spent in analyzing stock charts. Finally, as a daily ritual, we play football with Ali and read story books with him.
For you what was the hardest part of becoming a new parent? How was transitioning back to work after Ali’s birth? What choices/changes did you make?
The initial days were very tough. I had to travel to UK for a month for work when Seerat was on maternity leave. Hence, I couldn’t spend a lot of time with Ali early on. Luckily for me, my parents stepped in and helped us out.
The toughest part in the early days was to attend to the baby waking up during the night. Also, there are small things that one has to start thinking of and becoming conscious of such as ensuring that there is a pillow placed next to the baby so that he doesn’t roll over - all this was so new for us. It took a few months to get adjusted to the irregular sleeping patterns and remember all the other small things we had to be mindful of!
One change that happened was we became much more disciplined. My wife created a timetable for the baby’s food, playtime, baths, etc to ensure nothing gets missed. Things automatically become better after 6 months as Ali started understanding gestures.On the professional front, the big change was not being able to stay very late in office which for me was usual prior to Ali's birth. Luckily, my organization was very supportive and I was able to work from home as well. Seerat’s last company was not. So, she switched to another job later.
After becoming a parent did you adopt any new beliefs, behaviors, or habits that have most improved your life?
We introduced a lot of discipline in our own life and traded good habits for the bad ones. We started living a healthier lifestyle: waking up and sleeping at proper times, avoiding junk food, adding a lot of fruits to our diet, etc. Instead of watching a lot of Netflix and TV, we started reading more books.
This is very important because the initial 3-4 years have a very big impact on the kid’s behavior, language, interests, etc. And now when we think about it, Ali has inculcated a lot of these habits in his life. He is not very fond of junk food and prefers to eat fruits. He spends a lot of time playing outdoors and reading books. These are the things that kids just pick up from their environment.
What is one of the best or most worthwhile investment you have made after becoming a parent?
I think it must be the story books we got for Ali. He has dozens of books which he reads daily. This has helped him learn a lot of new words, names of animals, plants and even moral lessons! I recenty realized that he has already managed to learn the names of 8-10 types of dinosaurs. We hope that reading is a habit that sticks with him for life.
On a financial front, we got a term insurance after Ali’s birth. This is a must have for a family especially if you have kids.
The biggest challenge that working parents with young kids have is a lack of predictability in their schedule and limited time for themselves. How have you managed this?
We have set up a schedule for Ali and divided the activities between the two of us. After office hours, each of us spend time with him doing different activities: playing, storytelling, studying, drawing, etc. That way the load of child rearing gets split.
Of course we have to be flexible too - in case one of us has more work the other steps in. Like on some weekends, I can get very busy with the newsletter, that’s when Seerat takes on a bit more.
What choices have you and your partner made that has helped you become a dual career household with kids?
Apart from some of the changes on the personal front which I mentioned earlier, we also changed organizations to ensure we have more time with Ali. I switched to another job which required less travelling compared to my previous job. Seerat also moved to a new firm where there were lesser meetings during late evenings. This has ensured we have enough free time to spend with Ali and both of us can continue having our careers.
What advice would you give others who are on the cusp of becoming parents? What advice should they ignore?
Kids are very quick learners. So, ensure that you are very selective in the words you use in front of them. I didn’t know this and now Ali greets me every day by saying Hey bro, wassup?
On a serious note, try to involve the kid in different activities like reading, painting, cycling, solving puzzles, cooking, cleaning, etc. These activities play an important role in the holistic development of the child.And don’t forget to praise them for all the new things that they do. It does wonders for their confidence.
Most importantly, keep them away from smartphones/tablets. We didn’t pay much attention early on and had a hard time to help him get rid of this addiction.
As far as advice to ignore remember that every kid grows at their own pace, so let them be as long as there is no red flag from the doctor. A lot of folks will tell you that by a given age x, the kid should be doing xyz activity. For eg: why is the kid not speaking clearly yet, he is already 2 years old. Don’t get too worried or bogged down by these things.
Quickfire Questions:
What’s the best thing you have watched recently?
Scam 1992 – A TV show on Harshad Mehta and the stock market crash of 1992
What’s the best thing you have read recently?
Book – We are like that only by Rama Bijapurkar
What’s the best thing you have listened to recently?
Podcast – Business Wars: Blockbuster vs Netflix series
Because you got to the end here is a little gift for you. 🎁
The Ken is one of the places that I go to get my news about what is happening in the world of business and tech in India and South East Asia. You can use my link - to get access to the Ken for free for 30 days.
I would love to hear from you, feedback is always welcome!
And if you happen to know an inspiring working parent who should be featured in a future edition (or if you yourself are one) - please do get in touch.
Disclaimer: All views expressed are my own and do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer.
This is good & interesting.