The Coffee Chat (#24)
My conversation with Samiksha Panchbhayye - Operations program Manager, founder Diya For Her and mom to 1.5-year-old baby girl
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Hi there 👋🏽
I have been working remotely for months now and till very recently I was still using my small tiny laptop screen as my primary screen and my much larger screen as a secondary screen. My husband pointed out how absurd this was. I was working on a tiny screen while a bigger better screen just sat next to me.
I was doing this because this is how I had always worked (on a laptop) and while the context had changed I had not truly changed my habits.
As a consultant who has done a lot of work in the innovation and product space I spend a lot of my time advising clients on how to get rid of the orthodoxies that hold them back… crazy how I was stuck in an old way and needed someone to call it out to break out of that habit!
So let me leave you with this thought today - What is an orthodoxy in your life that you would like to detonate?
☕ Now, on to today’s coffee chat…
Meet Samiksha Panchbhayye
Samiksha has been a Decks and Diapers reader for sometime now and had reached out to me earlier this year to share more details of a crowd funding initiative she had launched "Diya For Her", to help girls from India appear for competitive exams.
During our conversation I also learnt that she was a recent mom who like me was juggling work, a baby and a passion project.
Below is my conversation with Samiksha…
Please tell us a little bit about yourself and your family
I have been working in San Francisco Bay Area for the last 5 years in Manufacturing Operations. I met my partner, Ravi, 6 years ago, while pursuing my Master's at Arizona State University, USA. I am from Maharashtra (Western part of India) whereas Ravi is a South Indian, born and brought up in Delhi. We both have different languages, different cultures, and cuisines at our homes so our daughter Swara, who is 1.5-year-old, has gotten the best of both worlds. She recognizes 3 regional languages (Hindi, Marathi, Telugu) and she is also introduced to English at her day care. We are both big travel buffs, and we love hiking and trying out different cuisines. Before Swara was born, we explored North America for a few years and hiked on almost all the trails in California.
For you what was the hardest part of becoming a new parent?
Swara was born on April 9, 2020, when COVID was at its peak. The challenges were beyond what we could have imagined. Be it attending online pregnancy classes, getting limited support at the hospital due to staff shortages, and doing domestic work without any help. My mother could stay only for the first couple of months and we could not call my mother-in-law to avoid any health risks during COVID. Looking after the baby from then onwards, without any childcare support, was the biggest challenge. Accepting the new responsibilities and just coming to terms with them was the hardest part.
Did you take some time off once you had your baby (i.e. Maternity leave, longer unpaid leave)? If yes, How did you feel during that period? What was the transition back like?
My leave started two weeks before the delivery and it extended until Swara turned 8 months due to visa renewal. My postpartum recovery was good, so physically I was back to normal in a couple of months. During this period, I learned how to plan the day according to the baby’s schedule. I tried some innovative home-cooked recipes that helped Swara wean faster. In my spare time, I would read books on parenting or play Ukulele.
However, soon after I resumed work, the transition was very tough because of the nature of my job. I had to work with factories operating in three different time zones and the job demanded long hours. Thankfully Ravi came to my rescue with a 2-month paternity leave. He enjoyed that period a lot and we feel it’s a great opportunity for every father to bond with his child.
One of the personal initiatives that you support is to provide access to underprivileged girls in rural India. Could you tell us more about this? What are some of the challenges that you see these women experience in their lives especially after they marry/start a family? What are ways one could change that and ensure that these women continue having financial independence?
Maternity leave gave me time to focus on the issues that I care about the most. Both my parents are teaching in Govt schools in rural India for the past 31 years. It is extremely difficult to encourage these students to appear for competitive exams, the reason being the lack of awareness and resources in rural areas. Most of these kids were working in cotton picking farms, earning less than $5/day (INR 250/day), and missing school lectures to support their families.
In 2019, when I was working from India for 6 months, I helped my mother to enroll 8th-grade underprivileged students for the national level scholarship exam (National Means-Cum Merit Scholarship). Only five girls were willing to enroll, but they had no money to pay the fees. I helped them with it and got their basic IDs created for the exam. To my surprise, one girl managed to clear the cut-off but did not get the scholarship due to limited funds provided by the State Government. After experiencing motherhood, the protective mother in me wanted to empower young girls in rural areas to achieve financial independence and bring themselves out of this vicious circle of child marriage and raising daughters who would have no future without basic education.
That is when I started "Diya For Her", a crowd-funding initiative to help girls appear for competitive exams and support them financially if they miss the government scholarship by a narrow margin. In the last 3 years, we have improved student enrollment by more than 50% and in 2021, 2 out of 20 students cleared the cut off and got financial assistance from Govt of Maharashtra.
The biggest challenge so far has been to arrange a teaching resource at these public schools. We are trying to overcome this by conducting online workshops and taking the help of local teachers to create awareness among students and their parents. We are also looking for volunteers to donate, to provide teaching assistance, and to help make this initiative scalable and sustainable. I would love to work with more people and help more girls in the upcoming years. What would it take? Probably an amount worth a couple orders from Uber Eats or time worth one episode of Netflix. What would you gain? Happiness bigger than any paycheck ☺
Interested folks can read up here and approach us at diyaforher@gmail.com
After becoming a parent did you adopt any new beliefs, behaviors, or habits that have most improved your life?
Absolutely! As a child, I would always idealize my mother. In her capacity as a high school teacher, she would distribute school supplies to her class and sponsor the education of one girl every year. Also, on her birthday, she has been donating blood every year for the last 15 years. As a mother, now I would also like to lead by example for my daughter. Motherhood and the pandemic have made me shuffle and rearrange my priorities in life. Family and health are my top priorities now. This has made me more productive at work and at home, where I consciously try to categorize each activity as urgent vs important.
As a couple, we are also focusing on improving our lifestyles and eating habits as we set a routine for our baby. We try to cook simple, easy meals for ourselves that can also be fed to the baby. It gives us extra time to spend with our little one.
What is one of the best or most worthwhile investments you have made after becoming a parent?
I think the most worthwhile investment has been our baby’s little bookshelf. We introduced books to her at the age of 6 months and now she keeps herself engaged when we have to catch up with work or run some errands.
The biggest challenge that working parents with young kids have is a lack of predictability in their schedule and limited time for themselves. How have you managed this?
When Swara was young, my husband would starts his day early and wrap up just after lunch and I would work from 3 pm till midnight with Asia teams. After that, we have been lucky to work remotely and manage Swara’s schedule. She then joined day care from 1 year and it has been a blessing for all three of us. On occasions where we have conflicts, we try to prioritize the task based on urgency, and the other person syncs-up with the colleagues later. Also, to buy ourselves some time, we try to go on long walks in the evening.
What choices have you and your partner made that have helped you become a dual career household with kids?
I think the best choice we have made is to avoid TV/Netflix/Amazon Prime subscriptions. We catch up on daily news or books whenever Swara sleeps. Also, we take turns in all tasks like cleaning, cooking, and babysitting. I think your partner plays the biggest role in how your career is supported after childbirth and I have been very lucky in that aspect.
What advice would you give others who are on the cusp of becoming parents? What advice should they ignore?
As a first-time parent, I was overwhelmed with all the information that everyone had to offer. However, I think you should take it with a pinch of salt. Every child is different and so is every parent. Eventually, you will figure out what works best for you and your child. Do not be too harsh on yourself and just enjoy this journey, as it is the most memorable period for both of you until they start doing things on their own.
Quick-fire questions:
What’s the best thing you have watched recently?
I liked a Ted Talk that I recently watched on how to have a better conversation. We tend to ignore the importance of being totally involved in a conversation, but it can sometimes create wonders.
What’s the best thing you have read recently?
I loved reading “Factfulness” by Hans Rosling. He has debunked common misconceptions that people have about the world and explained how a mindset shift toward facts solves many everyday problems. He admits that the world is still bad but there is no denying that it has gotten better and it is getting better.
What’s the best thing you have listened to recently?
I am currently listening to an audiobook called “The Hidden Life of Trees” and it is a fascinating book to delve into.
I would love to hear from you, feedback is always welcome!
And if you happen to know an inspiring working parent who should be featured in a future edition (or if you yourself are one) - please do get in touch
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