The Coffee Chat (#27)
My conversation with Pooja Priyamvada - Academic Director at The International Institute of Mass Media, Emotional Wellness Trainer and mom to a 12 year old!
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Hi there 👋🏽
For a brief period during my high school days I played Soccer. I was never phenomenal at it but made the team because I was generally athletic. The sport I was focused on was Tennis.
During try out our soccer coach tried me in various positions and then settled on making me goalkeeper (something to do with my hand eye co-ordination + a threat from the Tennis coach who did not want me to rip my ACL running around on a Soccer field).
Before a big tournament I remember my soccer coach telling me - being a Goalkeeper can feel like a thankless job. People typically won’t celebrate you. They will not remember the 99 things you do right but everyone will be focused on what you did wrong. It is a role that everyone thinks that they can play and from the outside looks easy. But those who have done it before know how hard and critical it is.
Motherhood in a lot of ways feels like being a Goalkeeper.
☕ Now, on to today’s coffee chat…
Meet Pooja Priyamvada
Pooja is currently an Academic Director at The International Institute of Mass Media, New Delhi, India. She is also a Grief & Mindfulness Facilitator, an Emotional Wellness Trainer, and a Researcher on Mental Health, Suicide Prevention & Disability.
I came across Pooja and her story through a series of tweets she shared earlier this year on the stigma of being a single mom in India today. I was inspired by the strength she displayed and wanted to know more about her story.
Below is my conversation with Pooja…
Please tell us a little bit about yourself and your family
I am Pooja Priyamvada, my child Priyamvada is now 12. Yes, I have taken her first name as my last name with her consent. We are both evolving beings and co-learners and have moved beyond the conventional notions of mother-daughter to parent-child.
For you what was the hardest part of becoming a new parent?
The hardest part was doing it all alone, I received no support from any quarters. Also, post-partum depression was very tough.
After becoming a parent did you adopt any new beliefs, behaviors, or habits that have most improved your life?
I have become more health conscious, I started cooking more at home, I started looking at all amenities and public places in terms of safety for a child. These behaviors have definitely made me more aware and mindful and have also fueled a lot of my activism.
You are a single mom. In a traditional society such as India being a single parent is still not the norm. I remember you sharing tweets where people attacked your life choices
I did not become a single parent by choice, a divorce led to it. But I don’t regret it. It is a tough situation to be in especially when the child is younger and there is no child care support in work places, during travel or every day in family. It has been a tough and lonely journey.
The biggest challenge that working moms with young kids have is a lack of predictability in their schedule and limited time for themselves. How have you managed this? What are you doing to manage your energy?
Yes, I had to shift from full time work to freelance 12 years ago, finally going back to it after almost a decade now. Time for myself is probably the minutes I spend in the washroom, that’s all. But I have always prioritized my mental health so I do take those medications but of course after arranging everything for the kid and the household. Last full-fledged vacation was more than a decade ago, so you can imagine. Energy can be saved by asking for help, delegating, saying no, and getting off the superwoman image, I am just an ordinary woman I can’t do it all, at least not perfectly and I am at peace with that.
What is one of the best or most worthwhile investment you have made after becoming a parent?
Health is always a priority, mental health both for me and my child.
What advice would you give others who are on the cusp of becoming parents? What advice should they ignore?
Follow your own instinct. Fall and learn, children don’t come with manuals, each child is unique so each parenting journey is unique, carve your own. Don’t listen to any advice other than verified medical advice, including mine!
I want all mothers to let go off the pedestal of being “The great mother”, trust you me it is a cage. Be your own person, show your kid your vulnerabilities, say NO so that they learn to say NO, you are no superhuman you are just their facilitator in life. Remove the crown there is nothing great about being a super mom but parenting in general is one enriching and fulfilling human experience for sure, so just keep it there.
Quick-fire questions:
What’s the best thing you have watched recently?
Other than that, a video I often watch is Stella Young’s- Inspiration Porn TED talk
What’s the best thing you have read recently?
I typically read pieces around mental health online, unfortunately do not get the time to read books any more
What’s the best thing you have listened to recently?
I sometimes listen to Sufi music, nothing in particular. Just enjoy the general genre
I would love to hear from you, feedback is always welcome!
And if you happen to know an inspiring working parent who should be featured in a future edition (or if you yourself are one) - please do get in touch
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