The Coffee Chat (#52)
My conversation with Gabrielle Caron - VP Talent Acquisition, DEIB & People Insights at 1Password, CrossFit athlete and mom to 2 girls!
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Hi there 👋🏽
Over the last couple of days, I find myself reflecting on the relationship between loss and expectation. Is it possible to feel like you have lost something and experience grief for something which was never tangible and yours to begin with? Is it a loss or merely a case of misaligned expectations?
Life has a curious way of weaving dreams and desires into the fabric of our existence. We paint vivid pictures in our minds of what could be, what we yearn for, and what we believe we deserve. These expectations become like silent companions next to us, helping us make sense of the journey we are on. You get used to them just being there, until one day suddenly they vanish before being solidified into reality.
Have you ever found yourself mourning the absence of something that never quite materialized? And if you did how did you process those emotion?
P.s: Towards the end of 2023 I did something fun - Was invited on the 100 Sum Game Podcast - link to the episode 🎧where I spoke about how in the work world ultimately most problems boils down to people problems, which is why understanding people and their motivation, building trusting and communicating are critical!
☕ Now, on to today’s coffee chat…
Meet Gabrielle Caron
Gabrielle, is VP of Talent, DEIB and People Insights at 1Password and based in Montreal, Canada.
At work, her focus is on developing strategic people practices and growing the talented individuals that she works with. At home, she is extremely active (loves skiing, crossfit, wakesurfing, running, yoga and more!) and makes sure she spends time with family and friends.
Below is my conversation with Gabrielle…
Please tell us a little bit about yourself and your family
I live in Montreal where I was born and raised, and live here with my family. My husband is a construction entrepreneur with his own business and together we have two daughters – one is 6 and the eldest just turned 12, so we are almost in the teenage years!
On the professional side, I made a big switch in early 2022 after spending 11 years with a professional services firm – McKinsey & Company. I made the move to the tech space to join 1Password and it has been a huge shift but I am having a ton of fun on this new journey.
I feel like being a mom to a teenager will be a big shift too! From what I understand the physical intensity reduces but the emotional aspect gets bigger and bigger
Simple answer is YES! With parenting, in general, I think you just need to figure it out year by year as it changes all the time. You cannot sit today and plan what life will be like years out because there is this unknown variable of your child and how they will evolve. Are they going to enjoy school? Will school be hard? What will their personality be like? How are their friends? What activities are they going to be interested in?
What you can figure out is what kind of parent do I want to be? What is important to me and where in my kid’s life can I have the greatest impact?
I remember when my girls were little and they were sick. The first few times I always felt like I had to be there, I wanted to hold and cuddle them. Then, overtime I realized my mom does a great job here as well and I'm lucky enough to have my parents nearby with a desire to be involved. So instead of me paralyzing my day, I would spend the first hour with my children ensuring we both felt ok, and then my mom would take over for the rest of the day and continue the cuddles and care so I could focus on a few work priorities. At the end of the day, children want to be cared for and they don't necessarily remember every moment that was done by another important caring person.
It is a balance though, because for critical moments I want to be there! Like with my 12-year-old, when she comes home from school and has certain things to talk about, it's important that I'm there, actively listening. When she was younger, I would volunteer at school, once a month, just to be able to see first-hand how things were going, understand the dynamics so that I could ask prompting questions at home, and dig into what was going on because otherwise she wouldn't necessarily open up.
Every year, I ask myself what's important in their current life stage? What means the most to them and me? What do I want them to remember in a few years? It has helped me become a more purposeful mother instead of just blindly doing what society expects.
I like that intentionality. It is so important to bring that into how one things of their career too. Especially when one operates at that intersection of being very ambitious but also wanting to be a present parent…
Yes, in my experience, you have got to learn to tune out the noise and the social pressure.
You will probably always feel like you fall short on both ends if you are constantly comparing. Obsessing about that is not helpful. What you really have to figure out is where do I NOT want to fall short? What is most critical to me? And then you write down what those things are and revisit them yearly.
When it comes to work, I do the same thing.
I also had a reflection a few years ago when I was at McKinsey and we were working on our research on women in the workplace. I personally reflected, as a mom to two young girls, what kind of a role model can I be for them? It has really helped me value and celebrate my career with them and help them understand the work I do and the difference I am (trying) to make.
Given that you are in the people space you also have a lot of power to influence systematic changes in organizations. How can organizations address the conflict that often arises for women usually at a certain career and biological juncture? Specifically, what structural changes can be implemented within organizations to ensure that women aren't penalized when making choices related to career advancement and starting families?
I believe there are two key aspects: one at an organizational level and the other more on a day-to-day basis within close teams. As organizations, it's crucial to acknowledge the reality, who is impacted, when and how in order to be able to address the problem. On a daily basis, it's important that teams and leaders understand how to support (i.e emphasize the importance of making choices, setting boundaries, and prioritizing what matters).
We shouldn't overlook the challenges women face at specific life stages. Creating a space that reduces the stigma around women dealing with various life situations around parenthood helps normalize these challenges. I also think that we need to broaden our consideration of challenges to go beyond motherhood and include all caregiving challenges (ie. single parents (agnostic of gender), caring for elderly, etc.) This is a shift from a gender-driven bias to a societal factor that can alleviate some guilt and make individuals feel like they're navigating common life experiences.
Normalizing these challenges is vital. Recognizing that intense periods, such as raising young kids, are just one aspect. Leaving room for open dialogue, checking in on support needs, and fostering flexibility in the workplace are practical approaches.
In my workplace, we maintain flexible schedules and provide support through a variety of resources (benefits, community groups, wellness days, etc.), while trusting that individuals will be accountable for their work. We are a fully-remote organization and I firmly believe that we as organizations need to trust, support and empower people. Most people thrive when you give them autonomy. Work and life need not be in conflict with each other!
I love that because I feel not the stress per se, but the lack of control that leads to burn out for high performing individuals.
I want to shift gears a bit now and talk about you - being a parent is a very transformational experience and when most people go through something transformational, they also learn a lot about themselves. So what have you learned about yourself as you have been on this journey?
It is a good question. Recently, I realized that despite my girls getting older, I tend to be more strict with my kids than with my teams. It's a surprising realization. People often expect the opposite, assuming one is softer on their kids and tougher at work. Upon reflection, I understand why. I'm deeply invested in my kids' success and want them to be well-prepared for life. This empowerment leads me to set high bars, challenge them, and enforce discipline. It's unexpected, as I didn't see myself this way, but I've recognized that the more I believe in someone's potential, the higher standards I hold for them.
In terms of organizational skills, I've always considered myself organized, but I’ve come to realize I operate on a whole new level. I excel at optimizing my time, making the most of different moments, and efficiently handling multiple tasks. It may sound cliché, but witnessing the amount I can achieve in one go would likely impress those observing. I’m driven by the desire to be extremely focused, deliver a lot to leave some time at the end for surprises or quality check-ins with my teams or kids!
A lot of people say empathy…
You know what? It has actually helped me dial down my empathy. I've always been extremely empathetic, but now I realize that whether in parenting or at work, you can't solve everything for everyone. Sometimes, you just need to help them see the bigger picture, especially with kids. For instance, when my youngest comes home saying, "No one wants to be friends with me anymore, I'm alone all the time” I have to remind myself to not jump to just solving this problem for her. I want to talk to her about it, and understand, but also understand that by helping her solve this herself it will help her grow. Teaching them to put things into context and perspective is crucial. Even as adults, we struggle with that sometimes – what we're going through feels like our whole life and truth. There's empathy, but sometimes what is needed is an outside perspective to see the bigger picture and calibrate things for full visibility on the situation.
The other skill is learning to adapt –always! In my case, I basically became a mom overnight, so talk about adapting!
What is the story there? Becoming a mom overnight?
When I met my husband, he already had a six month old, my oldest daughter. So I became a mom once we decided to start our lives together before she was even one. At work, everyone knew me as single with no kids, and then overnight I became responsible for a wonderful little girl. I have raised her fully as my own, and then had my first/second five years later. We are a very tight knit family and we have raised them both the same with the same love, attention, and expectations. However, becoming a mom overnight was a very steep learning curve and it made me realize that you will never know all the right things to do, and when and how to do them. Sometimes things won't be perfect.
This life event also created a few strong reactions around me. A lot of people were confused. Some asked:What are you doing? What about your career? Have you thought about the professional ramifications?
But I just had to be true to who I was and there was this beautiful little girl that needed a bit of extra love, as well as someone there and that meant the world to me. I also didn't want to fall short on myself, my career and my dreams. So from the beginning I kind of had to figure it out, adapt. Sometimes, we forget our superpower – the ability to figure things out by focusing on what's critical.
Reflecting on the past 12 years, I believe I did a pretty good job. It's an interesting life story being in the workplace and overnight transitioning to a full-on parent. I handled daycare pickups, occasionally ran late to meetings, but consistently got my work done and moved up the career ladder!
Oh wow. Thank you for sharing this. This is so interesting because for a lot of women who either carry their own child biologically or even go through a longer process of say adoption it gives them time to start making that mental shift that soon I will be a parent. In your case it obviously happened at a much faster rate. Many people often ask me about the right time to have a child. My response has always been that it's whenever you and your partner desire, considering biological factors. Biology is a real constraint too …
Exactly. Biology can sometimes do funny things, it took us some time to have our second daughter and there were times I was not sure if we would be able to have another child. I now tell people to make the best of the present moment. We often overlook the positive aspects and focus on what could be done instead. For those blessed with kids, however they come into our lives, the time spent with them is invaluable. We tend to concentrate on the glass half empty, thinking about what we could be doing, instead of celebrating the good things we have.
Any other words of wisdom for others who are on the cusp of becoming parents or are parents?
Motherhood is like being in a marathon or maybe an Ironman! You have to pace yourself and figure out what you can give at every point to your child, your career and yourself! It's not always about each leg of the race, the time it takes, how it was accomplished but more about wrapping it up, and being proud of the overall achievement
Quick-fire questions:
What's the best thing you have watched recently?
I am wrapping up The Crown and have been loving it. I love the combination of the inside look and the sociology behind it but also the interesting lesson in history!
What’s the best thing you have read recently?
I recently read “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking” by Susan Cain. It triggered a lot of great reflections on society, myself, my interactions at home with my husband and kids, and my work
🤓 Open tabs…
(I have modeled this section after those “open tabs” that we all have with a few (okay 30-40) interesting links that we promise we will eventually get to one day. These are the links that I had open for sometime that I finally got to …)
⭐The 'Quiet Catastrophe' Brewing in Our Social Lives (🎧)
More and more people are living lives that feel lonelier and more socially isolated than they want them to be. And that’s largely because of social structures we’ve chosen — wittingly or unwittingly — to build for ourselves.
⭐What is Social Status?
Although it is immaterial, and exists only in the minds of humans, status is a resource as real as oxygen or water. People will trade material goods for immaterial status. I once met an untenured lecturer at Yale. His pay was relatively low. He was offered a job at a mid-tier university in the midwest. I asked if he was going to accept. He said, “No way!” This other university offered him a tenure-track professorship, job security, and higher pay. Despite this, he chose to remain at Yale as a part-time lecturer in a financially precarious position. Why? He quietly explained that the name brand was just too valuable to him.
⭐‘Women don’t fight.’ On the forgotten contribution of female soldiers
Dismissing the history of women in combat – in failing to remember it, in deliberately forgetting it – allowed militaries to perpetuate the myth that women were physically incapable of fighting, which in turn had a profound effect on gender equality. The feminist movement told women that they were capable of anything, but keeping women out of combat served as a constant reminder that no matter what they were told, women couldn’t do everything. Women weren’t strong enough, or brave enough, or capable enough to defend themselves or fight for their country. Men had to do that for them.
📖 My private thoughts from my very public diary…
(My X (Twitter) use has drastically gone down, I am now more active on Threads)
I would love to hear from you, feedback is always welcome!
And if you happen to know an inspiring working parent who should be featured in a future edition (or if you yourself are one) - please do get in touch
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Disclaimer: All views expressed are my own and do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer