The Coffee Chat (#65)
My conversation with Allison Venditti: Founder - Moms At Work, Globe and Mail Top 50 Changemaker 2022, Advocate for Pay Transparency and a Mom!
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Hi there 👋🏽
I grew up on a tennis court, a place where losing is more common than winning. There is constant feedback which reveals a fascinating pattern: some players, despite similar skill levels, kept improving and reaching new heights, while others became dejected and ultimately quit. I, too, eventually stepped away from junior competitive tennis.
When I entered the workforce, I noticed a similar trend. Some individuals stumbled, faced failures, but emerged stronger and better. Meanwhile, many others grew cynical and defeated. I became curious about what determined which path someone would take.
It’s not just about embracing failure or being open to feedback—those are important but insufficient for true transformation. The key ingredient is reflection.
Reflection allows us to unlock learning from our experiences. It compels us to retrieve prior knowledge, integrate the latest feedback, and chart a new course. These small, iterative adjustments can lead to dramatically different, trajectory-changing outcomes.
We often talk about pivoting and moving fast. But without taking the time to slow down and reflect, it's all pointless. It leads to dejection, frustration, and burnout.
☕ Now, on to today’s coffee chat…
Meet Allison Venditti
Allison is a Career Coach and HR expert with over 15 years of experience developing impactful programs and policies for individuals and organizations alike. Allison is known for her deep expertise in supporting working parents, with a particular focus on Return to Work, maternity, and paternity leave. She has partnered with think tanks, corporations, and media outlets to advance these important topics. Having personally coached over 800 individuals, she also founded Canada’s only comprehensive program to help mothers transition back to work after maternity leave, benefiting over 200 participants in just 18 months.
Outside of work, she’s an avid cyclist who can often be found exploring the streets of Toronto, diving into graphic novels, or debating superhero lore with her three boys—always in her favorite Star Wars shirt and Vans.
Below is my conversation with Allison…
Please tell us a little bit about yourself
I was raised in BC, so I’m constantly torn between being half in Ontario and half in BC, both physically and mentally. Sometimes I’m in Toronto thinking, ‘Why am I here?’ and then back in BC wondering the same. So yeah, I’m half West Coast, half East Coast—would have done great in 90s rap.
Professionally, I've always identified as an HR person. I went to school for classics, but quickly realized that Latin wasn’t going to get me a job anywhere. So, I did an HR program at U of T, and I loved it. I took employment law and health and safety, and I was the only person in the room who really loved health and safety—especially disability management. That thread has run through everything I’ve done since.
I always thought I’d be an HR person for the rest of my life. But when I was 33, I suffered a traumatic brain injury and was off work for almost three years. My kids were really little at the time. Toward the end of my recovery, they told me I couldn’t work again—they actually labeled me ‘unemployable.’ But I thought, ‘I’m 35, I can’t just do nothing.’ Someone even said to me, ‘At least you have your kids.’ That really hit me, like, ‘Is that all I am? Is that who I’m supposed to be now, just my kids’ mom?’ No, that wasn’t enough for me. Work wasn’t just about making money; it was about being part of something. I was determined to work again.
I reached out to a few major clients, thinking I didn’t have much to offer, and all three of them said, ‘You broken is still better than most people fully functioning. Want some contract work?’ I said yes, and that chance they gave me showed me I could do things differently. I couldn’t read functionally anymore, which made things difficult, but I leaned into coaching because it was more interactive than written. Even though I run Moms at Work now, I still identify as an HR person, and it’s helped me a lot. I’ve built parental leave programs, and I know employment legislation inside and out. I understand what employers are thinking, and now I flip that knowledge to help women.
And for someone unfamiliar with Moms at Work - how would you explain it?
When I started Moms at Work, I was very uninterested in the typical women’s groups—get sponsors, do award shows, talk about change without actually doing anything. I wasn’t interested in getting hundreds of women to volunteer for something that wasn’t doing anything for them. And I was even less interested in chasing grants. When you get a sponsorship or a government grant, you lose your ability to publicly disagree with them.
Early on with Moms at Work, I decided I was fine with it being just a passion project. But I saw there was more to it. I wanted a women’s group that put women first. I’ve never put a sponsor logo next to ours because it reduces our ability to criticize. Our focus is on changing systems for women, not just surviving within them. We’re a for-profit company, and we make good money, but we reinvest it into changing the system for women. I got tired of people saying, ‘If only you coached your way out of this,’ or ‘If only you hired help.’ No, the system is fundamentally broken for women.
I was raised by an advocate—my mom was in educational advocacy—so I know how this works. I’ve learned that I know policy and procedure better than most employers and government officials.
I love that you raised this point. It’s been my ‘aha’ moment too—that we’re trying to create individual solutions for a structural problem. From your perspective, what’s structurally holding us back? Everyone acknowledges the problem, says the right things, but nothing changes.
It’s capitalism, plain and simple. Women’s groups take money from big companies, and then they lose their voice or their edge. It’s hard to be critical when you're funded by the very systems you're trying to change.
I also think many women’s groups talk big but don't have much to show. They’ve been around for decades—what have they actually changed? With Moms at Work, I’m dead specific about what I want to change. It's not just about the wage gap—though we do talk about that—it’s about focusing on specific structural changes. For me, it was pay transparency in the workplace. Moms at Work was one of the first to push for that, and I spent thousands of hours mobilizing the community, writing to MPs, calling out companies on LinkedIn. I even wrote parts of legislation. If you want to make structural changes, you have to be specific and show people how your approach will get results faster. Yelling about pay equity won’t work—companies aren’t listening.
You need to pick something specific - like reducing EI hours for parental leave, setting up new EI benefits for self-employed people, $10-a-day childcare.
You have to be dead specific in advocacy, not just saying ‘women deserve more,’. Just pick a thing.
I love that. Do you have any tips for women within organizations to advocate for these changes?
People think advocacy means getting really loud and holding up a sign, but within corporations, it’s more insidious. Work isn’t safe for women—I’m not going to lie. I’m not going to encourage you to take on your boss about pay transparency because it could cost you your job.
If you want to help at work, my number one tip is to talk about your salary. Tell every other woman what you make, how much vacation you get—everyone should be talking about it. The second tip is to help other women get into positions of power. Coach them, sit down for mock interviews with them, and support them. If you see someone who’s 24, buy her a coffee and share how you got to where you are and how much you make. That’s how we close the wage gap—by talking about money and supporting each other in ways that go beyond surface-level programs that companies offer.
I don’t believe companies will change unless they’re legislated to, which we’ve seen time and time again. As a woman at work, it’s dangerous to cause a stink—women, especially women of color, are often scapegoated. That’s why I’m the one being loud. I don’t have a boss or work for companies, so I can say these things. You can share them at work and talk about them, but the biggest impact comes when, say, 400 women at a company all know each other and push each other for promotions. That’s how you create change.
That is so simple, yet so powerful. The community aspect and pulling one another up so that people don’t drop off.
Women don’t leave the workforce because of the demands; they leave because of the discrimination. That’s the real issue. I want to kill the narrative that women leave because the job gets more demanding. Look at brain surgeons—demanding jobs, but they’re still paid less than men. It’s the same tactic here.
There are lots of male allies, and some of my best bosses were men. Encourage these men to talk about their salaries and to share why this matters because they’ve likely never thought about it. That’s how you build a movement—by working with people you have relationships with. Real change isn’t made through public outcry; it’s made by supporting people, helping them advance, and encouraging them to leave if the environment is toxic. Don’t let women become scapegoats. If you see the writing on the wall, help them get out.
That makes sense. It’s a lot about finding mentors and sponsors at work who can help advocate for you as a woman and help you get opportunities or pull you up. Do you have any suggestions on how one can make this effective?
I like that idea of building real relationships across the organization, in all directions—not just upward, but also laterally, connecting with peers.
You can call it what you want but it is at the end of the day relationship building.
It’s about building a network in all directions.
Women, especially mid-career, often look up without realizing that others are looking up to them. How much should one disclose about themselves about being a mom?
It requires a level of privilege to be able to “bring your whole self to work”.
I don’t advocate for people to put themselves at risk and so this is so dependent on where you work, who you are and what kind of risks you can take.
I want people to feel safe, have a job, and be able to provide for their families. That’s why at Moms at Work, even if you can’t be open at work, know there’s a whole community behind you fighting for you. It’s a heavy burden to ask someone who is suffering to do all the work.
During COVID, it was especially unfair to expect new mothers to be advocating while they were just trying to keep their families safe and their jobs intact.
When I talk about childcare, people ask why I’m involved since my kids aren’t in daycare anymore. But shouldn’t those who’ve been through it fight so others don’t have to? That should be the goal. Women entrepreneurs and those in positions of power who have more flexibility should be stepping up. I don’t want people to take risks that could end badly for them.
I recognize that speaking publicly about being a mother comes from a place of privilege and I am certain there are opportunities that have not come my way because I am public about this part of my identity.
In my mind, being a mom is a feature, not a bug. If an organization discriminates against me because I’m a mom and assumes it has messed my capabilities in some way then I wouldn't thrive there anyway and it would never be the right fit.
Are you hopeful about the future or will my daughter be having the same conversations?
No one wants to work like that anymore, and Gen Z is going to revolutionize the world of work in amazing ways.
People need to pay attention to the statistics: women are graduating at nearly triple the rate they were 40 years ago. That means the workforce will be dominated by women in the next 20 years. We’re also seeing the largest transfer of wealth in history, which will benefit women. Women are starting businesses at an unprecedented rate. We need to think about what we want the future of work to look like as women take over these traditionally male-dominated spaces.
We certainly need a re-think of the traditional model.
Many organizations are still set up for a 1950s family structure, where one partner’s career is the primary focus, and the other handles family responsibilities. But in today’s world, both partners sometimes want to aspire for the demanding careers, and organizations need to recognize that.
Even today, in 2024, almost every CEO of a major organization is a man with a stay-at-home wife.
Work is designed for that model.
Melinda French Gates said it best: we’re sending our daughters into workplaces designed for their fathers, not for them.
The constant push for women to ‘lean in’ ignores the fact that these workplaces aren’t designed for us.
That’s why I’m self-employed. At Moms at Work, we work four days a week, take off every holiday, and close the last week of school.
We’re not brain surgeons; we don’t need to work 80-hour weeks. When I talk to companies about part-time work, they often say they can’t do their job part-time. That’s their problem, not mine.
We’re upending the traditional work structure. I’m more interested in how we can change the system to bring others up with us, rather than just focusing on individual power.
🤓 Open tabs…
(I have modeled this section after those “open tabs” that we all have with a few (okay 30-40) interesting links that we promise we will eventually get to one day. These are the links that I had open for sometime that I finally got to …)
⭐Who is women enough": The long history of sex testing in sports (🎧)
Why are some female athletes asked to prove her womanhood?
⭐Why the Reliable Office Workhorse Rarely Gets Ahead
We want people to like us. We want to help out. When we say yes, the boss praises us, or the colleague is grateful, and it feels good. Then we realize people pleasing isn’t getting us anywhere.
⭐The value of variety and novelty (🎧)
Shaking yourself out of your normal routine can be hard–but studies show it’s worth it. Creating space for variety, novelty, and awe in our lives is essential for our well-being. Exploring new and diverse environments in our daily life can lead to better stress resilience and can make us feel better.
📖 My private thoughts from my very public diary…
(My X (Twitter) use has drastically gone down, I am now more active on Threads)
Thank you for reading! Did you know that liking this post or leaving a comment helps it find more readers? More importantly, I would love to hear from you, feedback is always welcome!
And if you happen to know an inspiring working parent who should be featured in a future edition (or if you yourself are one) - please do get in touch
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Disclaimer: All views expressed are my own and do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer