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As children, my brother and I would sometimes indulge in thought experiments where we would ask each other questions that we knew did not have straightforward answers. One of those questions was - if out of the five senses you had to give up one sense which one would it be?
I always assumed touch would be the easiest sense to let go of. In fact, my 10-year-old self felt the absence of touch might help unlock some kind of superpowers such as the ability to not feel any cut to the skin (or the pain of an injection) or walk through extreme cold or heat!
Oh, how wrong I was.
2020 has drastically affected almost all our ability to experience the sense of touch and for the first time, a large number of people are experiencing touch starvation. Our skin is after all our biggest organ and we need to be touched. Touch is what makes us human. It makes us feel loved, reassured, safe, and secure.
There has been a lot of isolation and pain in 2020. And while I tried to empathize I didn't really truly feel the pain that others were experiencing. I didn't miss the feeling of a kiss or a hug. I didn't miss the human touch.
After all one of the biggest advantages of being a new mom is that you have a little cuddly squishy human next to you 24*7. I know they say kissing and cuddling a baby helps develop secure attachment for the baby but honestly, I think in our case I have benefited from the kissing and cuddling a lot more than baby T. In this dark and gloomy year, baby T has been my sunshine. She has been the reason why I have avoided touch starvation.
And quite honestly I didn't think I needed anything else. I was sure that this burst of sunshine would keep me going in what felt like a painful dark depressing year.
Well, the first week of November 2020 made me realize how wrong I was. That is when Covid19 hit home.
I was miles away from family who were fighting this disease and suffering. Every day thanks to the amazing power of technology I could see them, hear them, be with them but not touch them. And all I wanted to do more than anything else was to touch them. To hug them. To kiss them. To lie down next to them.
At a selfish level, I wanted to do this for me than them.
I knew a hug and a kiss would help me feel reassured that they would be okay. It would lower my anxiety - I did not know what would happen to them but I knew what could.
I have never experienced a greater sense of helplessness. It almost felt like I was trapped in a glass box. I was right there with them but not really there.
What was missing was touch.
2020 has been tough for a lot of people. Especially those living by themselves. If you know someone who has been living by themselves since March 2020, give them a call. Don't assume they are okay because they have not said anything. Ask them if they are. 2020 has been hard for a lot of people. Reach out and extend a hand. You never know who you may prevent from sinking.
And in case you are curious my family members have recovered now and things are better. As soon this is all over I know what I will do. Take a flight. Ring the doorbell and give them a big tight hug.
I would love to hear from you, feedback is always welcome!
Disclaimer: All views expressed are my own and do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer.
Awesome mam! Loved it!